I don’t like to be with people who are averse to negativity. The ones who are scared or wary of even the possibility of a serious conversation that involves something completely or even remotely negative. Like a heartbreak or an emotional problem or just plain feelings. I don’t like it if someone launches a preachy you-have-to-look-at-the-positive-side or your-matters-are-trivial or get-off-your-ass-and-do-something lecture the minute I start to communicate a problem.
It really annoys me. Like thoroughly annoys me. It is almost as if these people forget that the point of communication is not always problem solving. Sometimes, we talk to be listened to. Sometimes, we talk because we need to. Sometimes, we talk because we need consolation. Sometimes, we talk because we need assurance. And sometimes, we just talk. Not everyone who is talking about a problem is dwelling over it all the time. Sometimes, we are actually just seeking comfort. And many a times, we are looking for a way to deal with it. And that way doesn’t necessarily start with a lecture on how not to waste time by talking about it with people.
While I was growing up, I was a very quiet teenager. In fact, even now, I have major issues opening up to people and letting them get to know the real me. I hate talking about my issues openly. But the difference, that now I do talk about them. Usually, some people around me understand what I am trying to say. Rather, as I am no longer a teenager surrounded by teenagers, many people understand what I am trying to say. Some of them don’t. It is okay, if they don’t. But I really dislike the ones who ask you to share your world with them and then trivialize what you say. Or worse just tell you, that you need to stop being so negative when your world is falling apart. That’s why I preferred not to talk. I hate being trivialized.
I am in absolutely no way trying to be an advocate for self-pity or wallowing in self-pity. I am strictly against it. The only thing that I am trying to do here is to tell these people that someone of us don’t have it easy. Someone of us deal with a lot of problems on a daily basis. And some of us should get points for just breathing*. So if you are really interested, start with listening, then trying to understand, then being comforting and supportive, and then if it all fails it is time for the lecture.