Till a couple of years ago, I was an ardent blogger. I used to write almost everyday. I used to write about my opinions, my relationships and me, in great detail, every day. Till a lot of things happened. I had blogger friends telling me that it wasn’t a good idea to reveal so much online. Till I had a boyfriend (read someone to talk to in great detail). Till I was heartbroken. Till I had a consuming job. All of those reasons and I stopped blogging. Writing professionally is trying. Ideating everyday is tiring. I never felt like writing once I was home. Forget writing, I wouldn’t want to look at computer.
But, I missed it. Writing for myself. Writing to express. It is almost like writing to be able breathe freely. No wonder not writing has led me to be miserable.
So in an attempt to revive my this blog and revoke my need to write again, I am embarking on a 30-day challenge. It basically means a post everyday on a predefined topic. I think it is easier this way. I dont have to think about what to write everyday. I can just write. Take a look at the topics and expect me to change them to suit my mood. Also head over to my dear friend Sobeen’s blog. She will be doing the same starting 1st October and she is awesome for giving me this idea.
Here are the topics:
Day 01 — your favorite song
Day 02 — your favorite movie
Day 03 — your favorite television program
Day 04 — your favorite book
Day 05 — your favorite quote
Day 06 — whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — a photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — a photo you took
Day 10 — a photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — a photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — a fictional book
Day 14 — a non-fictional book
Day 15 — a fanfic
Day 16 — a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — a talent of yours
Day 20 — a hobby of yours
Day 21 — a recipe
Day 22 — a website
Day 23 — a youtube video
Day 24 — whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — your day, in great detail
Day 26 — your week, in great detail
Day 27 — this month, in great detail
Day 28 — this year, in great detail
Day 29 — hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — whatever tickles your fancy
I don’t like to be with people who are averse to negativity. The ones who are scared or wary of even the possibility of a serious conversation that involves something completely or even remotely negative. Like a heartbreak or an emotional problem or just plain feelings. I don’t like it if someone launches a preachy you-have-to-look-at-the-positive-side or your-matters-are-trivial or get-off-your-ass-and-do-something lecture the minute I start to communicate a problem.
It really annoys me. Like thoroughly annoys me. It is almost as if these people forget that the point of communication is not always problem solving. Sometimes, we talk to be listened to. Sometimes, we talk because we need to. Sometimes, we talk because we need consolation. Sometimes, we talk because we need assurance. And sometimes, we just talk. Not everyone who is talking about a problem is dwelling over it all the time. Sometimes, we are actually just seeking comfort. And many a times, we are looking for a way to deal with it. And that way doesn’t necessarily start with a lecture on how not to waste time by talking about it with people.
While I was growing up, I was a very quiet teenager. In fact, even now, I have major issues opening up to people and letting them get to know the real me. I hate talking about my issues openly. But the difference, that now I do talk about them. Usually, some people around me understand what I am trying to say. Rather, as I am no longer a teenager surrounded by teenagers, many people understand what I am trying to say. Some of them don’t. It is okay, if they don’t. But I really dislike the ones who ask you to share your world with them and then trivialize what you say. Or worse just tell you, that you need to stop being so negative when your world is falling apart. That’s why I preferred not to talk. I hate being trivialized.
I am in absolutely no way trying to be an advocate for self-pity or wallowing in self-pity. I am strictly against it. The only thing that I am trying to do here is to tell these people that someone of us don’t have it easy. Someone of us deal with a lot of problems on a daily basis. And some of us should get points for just breathing*. So if you are really interested, start with listening, then trying to understand, then being comforting and supportive, and then if it all fails it is time for the lecture.
I am not the most social person. I don’t like big groups, loud music and sweaty clubs. Actually, I think I like the music but I don’t really like anything else. I am always reluctant to head out for a party or even dinner. I like meeting my friends in small groups. On dinner tables that are small enough for a single conversation. And conversations that flow easily. No awkward pauses, no time to think. Just plain good company.
Over the last few years, I have realized that my outings when it comes to catching up sessions and loud beer drinking evenings makes me feel weird. It starts with my first instinct to deny the invitation and if I do manage to say yes, my interest disappears in the first 30minutes. Then it is a mental countdown to when can I get out of there. And I hate the goodbye-s. Not because it is emotional or anything, but because that figuring out who is going where with whom and how to get home is a different issue altogether always. I live somewhere out of the way. It almost always means that I commute to home alone. So discussion is pretty pointless for me.
The worst bit is getting home. If I have even managed to have a moderately nice evening, I feel horrible and strangely empty on my way back home. This really horrible feeling of being alone creeps in and I wish I had never gotten out of the house in the first place.
I have wondered why so many times. Past few years, there might have been hundreds of times when I have returned home at an unreasonable hour. It never scares me and it never bothers me. In fact the days I have returned from work late at night, I have always felt peaceful or even content. These night out-s with friends always leave me with a tinge of sadness. Every time I go out, I try to unravel why. I can’t find an answer. I don’t think I ever will. But I might just reconsider going out. That ought to help. The hollow feeling at the end of the night is just not worth it.