Thought of change

I have this urge to cuddle up with a very cheesy chick lit book and stay in bed for a couple of days. Off late, I have been getting up with constant headaches and there is weird pain in and around my eyes. It is like my body is screaming for a break. And I guess it is right. I have had the most hectic few months and last time I was on a vacation it was April 2011 when I went for the Goafest. This year, there isn’t even a remote possibility that I will be going for it. I cant afford another sun burn and worst I know I will not be taken for it.

There is this weird feeling of either disappointment or hurt that totally refuses to go away no matter how much I try. It’s been around 8 months and still I feel the same. There is still no feeling of belonging, pretty much making me evaluate every decision and reason for those decisions almost everyday.

Strangely, I have always wanted to be in advertising. I grabbed every opportunity that came along my way to reach where I am today. While that remains to be true even today, the sentiment –leave advertising, keeps coming up ever so frequently nowadays. But the fact is, if not this then what else? I cant think of anything else that I’d rather be doing. Except for being on a vacation. Unless that pays, I really have no option but to stick to this.

I really wish winter would go away. It makes me feel so sad and forlorn. The cold breeze, the empty roads and cold feet, all of them make me feel so lonely. I’d rather have the scorching heat as the rains follow it. Monsoon is the season of change for me. And right now, the thought of change seems very alluring.

Because websites don’t come with by-lines

Recently, the last post that I had written on this blog was published in a magazine called Blogger’s Park. It was such an exhilarating moment for me. To see the by-line and my words in print. I just couldn’t stop smiling. The picture of it must have got more likes than my sister’s wedding album. It is strange how a small thing like this can make me feel so happy.

Since I have started working in ad agencies, a lot of my work has gone live. Websites I have written for, websites I have managed and copy I had written for ads. It is always a great feeling to know that work that you’ve done is something people are reading somewhere. It is out there. For the world to see. But these websites and ad campaigns, don’t go with bylines. No one gets to know who really did the work. At a junior level like me, it doesn’t matter how much hardwork you put in, the appreciation is low. No one really cares. People say that is what the salary is for, but how many of us really work just for the salary? In agencies, esp if you are the good kind, do you really stop because doing a little bit more is like going an extra mile? I don’t. I care about my work. It is personal to me. Yet, the feeling of a byline was more, so much more pride and delight than any website I have made live or any copy I have ever seen in a banner.

It is crazy how much this really mattered to me. I guess it is just valid. This was one of the reasons I wanted to be journalist. I loved the idea of by-lines. Only if I weren’t so antisocial and awkward, I would’ve been a good one. But I knew it wasn’t a fit for me. The lack of quick gratification in a 9 to 5 job is so so de-motivating. My goal and dream of writing a book before I turned 25, is going to stay a dream for now. There is no end to work or responsibilities. But the least I do hope for is more such by-lines. No matter where they are.