I feel extremely frail around him. It is like I am about to fall apart. I avoid talking to him on difficult days like these. His knowing eye never misses small details. Like my missing smile. I am terrified of his questions. I am scared that he’d ask me what is wrong and it will become the cue for me to fall apart and break down. Worst bit is, I can’t lie to him. I can’t just say I am having a bad day and move on. He’d know I am lying. I feel like he looks through my soul every time he just looks at me.
I want to reveal everything. I want to tell him how I feel, not just about him but also about my world. About my life. I know he will understand. He will agree. And he will hold me when I break down. And yet I can’t say a thing.
He is perfection that belongs to someone else. An equally deserving someone who values him just as much as I do. They are the perfect duo. The kind you hear of in fairy tales, the kind you see on glossy magazine covers. I can’t help but admire them. But days like these when I know that only he is my only cure and my only friend, all I do is wish he didn’t know me. And I wish he didn’t care because he makes me feel so much more frail.